It is Saturday. I slept in, and lazed around, and that is fine, but I seriously feel like I am running out of time to get ready for baby. Problem is I don't know what else to do to GET ready! Yes, working on finishing up the basement is all well and good, but there is no way in my current extraordinarily HUGE state that I am going to be hanging sheet rock or working with the chop saw! My birth kit is ready to roll (with the exception of the stuff that my sweet midwife is bringing.)

I could probably do housework, but I do that all the time. Laundry needs to be done, wether I want to or not. I feel so helpless. I just want to "know" that I am ready for this baby (who I am currently begging to vacate the premises). How exactly does one prepare to go from Mommy of 1 to Mommy of 2? Mommy of 2 sounds like an actual grow up person, that knows where they are headed and can handle diaper changes, playdates, a household, and then some. I have watched many MANY children in the last ten years, but I have to say this is the most intimidating child care job EVER! I love Kati. She is my sunshine, and I adore being her Mommy. I love Baby Boy too, even though I haven't met him yet. I am just not sure how I am going to fit being Kati's Mommy with being Baby Boys Mommy without letting some other things slide.

This might stem from my rather unexceptional need to be SUPERMOMMY. Lots of moms feel this pressure, and I am sure what I am feeling is normal, but the problem with this, is that I HATE SuperMommy. She and I (in whatever form she takes) do NOT get along. Other SuperMommies drive me CRAZY, and I try very hard not to be her with Kati. SuperMommy is a somewhat difficult person to deal with, and she always feels that she has to be better, more put together, more able, than any human could possibly be. Being the realist that I am, I realize that she is more of a Fictional Character, than a truly embodied person. I just wish that I could shoot her and be done with it. I swear she has more lives than a cat! Just when I think I am getting over being her, she shows back up in another way, with another face (or maybe just a different diaper bag.)

I think I am going to go lay down for a while, and do my best to avoid dreaming of to do lists. Maybe I can just do a load of laundry and satisfy SuperMommy for today....

My husband is away for the weekend. Not a bad thing, I encouraged him to go. His best friend is getting married and I can't travel at the moment, so he needed to go by himself. I am so glad we were in a position for him to do this.

However, this left me with a 2 year old and an empty house for three days. Being 8 months pregnant I have had some small troubles sleeping lately and so I shipped my little one off to her grandparents (thank you SO MUCH Nana-Grams and Papa) and got to sleep for 12 hours last night. I got some much needed me time and I spoiled myself with a peppermint stick milkshake. YUM!

I picked Kati up before naptime, and predictably, she fell asleep on the ride home, so she didn't nap until 3 ish. I slept fine! At four she wakes me up (via baby monitor) because she is crying. Ok, I will just go get her up, its late enough and then I can get the house picked up and some dishes done before making us a quick dinner.

She wants to snuggle. She curls up on my lap and promptly settles contentedly, despite Baby Brother kicking her (and me) in the ribs. I shift and wiggle, trying to gauge wether she is awake or not. Apparently not. So I lay her down and snuggle with her as she drifts farther and farther into dreamland. Shoot, I think to myself, I was going to put away the stuff from the baby shower and do some dishes. I wanted to get the house picked up and vacuumed, even the playroom before I go to bed. My attitude was not good.

Then I realized, I am snuggling, holding my precious daughter, who I love more than life itself, and I am trying to find a way out. Why? Why would I dream of giving up this moment. Especially since it will probably be one of the last before Brother shows up, and these moments are harder to have. Why would I trade a half hour of snuggle time for a half hour of housework? My child is so important, and so sweet, and all she wants most in the world right now is to snuggle next to me and dream. This is why I have dreamed of being someone's Mommy. This is why I wanted the life that I have. This is my whole reason for staying home with her, and learning what makes this precious life is all about.

From the time I was a young girl I always wanted to be a Mommy. It was what I said when everyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, and amazingly, it is still absolutely true. I am sure I could have had the drive to have a career, but my hearts passion has always been for mommyhood, and today I remembered why.