My pastor spoke on the “gift” of relationship that God gave us with the birth of Christ recently. I know all this, I thought as he was speaking, but then the Holy Spirit corrected me. Do you? He asked. Do you really know what the birth of Christ signified for relationship with the Father?
Pastor Mark talked about Mary. Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. (Luke 2:19) Before Jesus was old enough to talk Mary pondered the relationship. She knew that relationship was part of the deal. When she and her cousin Elizabeth (mother of John the Baptist) were pregnant John lept in his mother’s womb when he felt the presence of his cousin Jesus. That was relationship.
Jesus came as our Savior, and yes that is very important, but it wasn’t his only role. The very title of Savior implies relationship. By being our Savior that means that we have a relationship with him, one where he holds us up, and saves us from our sin. This is central to the Christian faith. What can be more relational than God sending His Savior to earth so that He can have US with Him in heaven?
The Bible never says this specifically, but God is a God of relationships and His greatest desire is to have good relationship with us. We miss this concept of God’s relational-ness when we think of him as God, as Savior, and as Lord. But all of these titles imply relationship.
When Jesus’ disciples asked him to teach them to pray he started off with a radical concept by calling God “Father” and not just HIS father, but OUR father. Up until that time no one had dared to assume that kind of relationship with God. God was a God of judgment, rules, and regulations. He was not an “Abba” in their way of thinking. That is why it is so important for us to realize that yes, God is judge, and needs us to live according to his ways, but he is our Father.
If a child were to fall down and get hurt, or dirty, or frustrated, sad, etc would an earthly father tell them to stop crying, clean themselves up, and then come to him? NO! An earthly father scoops his child up, cuts, bruises, dirt, tears, and all and loves that child. He calms the tears, wipes away the dirt, bandages the cuts, and kisses the bruises.
So many people (Christian and non-Christian alike) feel that in order to approach God they must be put together, clean, and free of hurt. The God of judgment and rules is going to want to see a polished and clean person stand before them. But that is just not the case. God is relational. He is Abba. He is Daddy. He wants his kids to come to him downtrodden, dirty, and bruised. He wants them to have the freedom to approach the throne in tears with a broken heart. He wants US to come to him when our lives fall apart, and we don’t know which way to go. He wants to be the one to make us clean again. He wants to love us, dry our tears, brush us off, pick us up, and He doesn’t just send us on our way, He holds our hand and walks with us as we go.
As the Body of Christ, our job isn’t to tell people they need to get right with God. Our job is not to help them get their lives straightened out. Our job is to invite them in, and show them the way to the Father. To show them the One who loves them right where they are, and passionately desires relationship with them. God will clean them. God will dry the tears. God will fix the broken places. Our job is to be “Jesus with skin.” Jesus didn’t spend all of his time going to church. He didn’t surround himself only with the people in the church. Jesus didn’t spend his time telling people to get their act together. Jesus spent his time with people. Dirty people. Broken people. Hurting people. He went to them and he loved them. He hugged them. He held people as they cried. He touched people in the broken places. He reached into the darkness and helped people into the light. He wasn’t scared by the dark things surrounding people. Death and sickness didn’t make him shy away. When we see these things in people’s lives we must go to them and show them what Jesus showed them – the way to approach the Throne of God, in as many pieces as their lives were in, as broken as their hearts were. He brought them to the Father and showed them what the love of God was all about.
This is the way I believe Jesus would have us live. He didn’t tell his disciples to go to church. He told them to go to every nation and show them the Father. THIS is the relationship God wants with us. He wants us to be relational ambassadors, showing people that the God who loves them doesn’t want to love them from afar. He wants to be active in their lives. He wants to walk with them in the dark places. He wants to dry the tears of the brokenhearted. He wants to be with us wherever we go. That is the relationship we can have with him, and it all started with a baby boy, wrapped in a blanket, lying in a manger all those years ago.

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It is Saturday. I slept in, and lazed around, and that is fine, but I seriously feel like I am running out of time to get ready for baby. Problem is I don't know what else to do to GET ready! Yes, working on finishing up the basement is all well and good, but there is no way in my current extraordinarily HUGE state that I am going to be hanging sheet rock or working with the chop saw! My birth kit is ready to roll (with the exception of the stuff that my sweet midwife is bringing.)

I could probably do housework, but I do that all the time. Laundry needs to be done, wether I want to or not. I feel so helpless. I just want to "know" that I am ready for this baby (who I am currently begging to vacate the premises). How exactly does one prepare to go from Mommy of 1 to Mommy of 2? Mommy of 2 sounds like an actual grow up person, that knows where they are headed and can handle diaper changes, playdates, a household, and then some. I have watched many MANY children in the last ten years, but I have to say this is the most intimidating child care job EVER! I love Kati. She is my sunshine, and I adore being her Mommy. I love Baby Boy too, even though I haven't met him yet. I am just not sure how I am going to fit being Kati's Mommy with being Baby Boys Mommy without letting some other things slide.

This might stem from my rather unexceptional need to be SUPERMOMMY. Lots of moms feel this pressure, and I am sure what I am feeling is normal, but the problem with this, is that I HATE SuperMommy. She and I (in whatever form she takes) do NOT get along. Other SuperMommies drive me CRAZY, and I try very hard not to be her with Kati. SuperMommy is a somewhat difficult person to deal with, and she always feels that she has to be better, more put together, more able, than any human could possibly be. Being the realist that I am, I realize that she is more of a Fictional Character, than a truly embodied person. I just wish that I could shoot her and be done with it. I swear she has more lives than a cat! Just when I think I am getting over being her, she shows back up in another way, with another face (or maybe just a different diaper bag.)

I think I am going to go lay down for a while, and do my best to avoid dreaming of to do lists. Maybe I can just do a load of laundry and satisfy SuperMommy for today....

My husband is away for the weekend. Not a bad thing, I encouraged him to go. His best friend is getting married and I can't travel at the moment, so he needed to go by himself. I am so glad we were in a position for him to do this.

However, this left me with a 2 year old and an empty house for three days. Being 8 months pregnant I have had some small troubles sleeping lately and so I shipped my little one off to her grandparents (thank you SO MUCH Nana-Grams and Papa) and got to sleep for 12 hours last night. I got some much needed me time and I spoiled myself with a peppermint stick milkshake. YUM!

I picked Kati up before naptime, and predictably, she fell asleep on the ride home, so she didn't nap until 3 ish. I slept fine! At four she wakes me up (via baby monitor) because she is crying. Ok, I will just go get her up, its late enough and then I can get the house picked up and some dishes done before making us a quick dinner.

She wants to snuggle. She curls up on my lap and promptly settles contentedly, despite Baby Brother kicking her (and me) in the ribs. I shift and wiggle, trying to gauge wether she is awake or not. Apparently not. So I lay her down and snuggle with her as she drifts farther and farther into dreamland. Shoot, I think to myself, I was going to put away the stuff from the baby shower and do some dishes. I wanted to get the house picked up and vacuumed, even the playroom before I go to bed. My attitude was not good.

Then I realized, I am snuggling, holding my precious daughter, who I love more than life itself, and I am trying to find a way out. Why? Why would I dream of giving up this moment. Especially since it will probably be one of the last before Brother shows up, and these moments are harder to have. Why would I trade a half hour of snuggle time for a half hour of housework? My child is so important, and so sweet, and all she wants most in the world right now is to snuggle next to me and dream. This is why I have dreamed of being someone's Mommy. This is why I wanted the life that I have. This is my whole reason for staying home with her, and learning what makes this precious life is all about.

From the time I was a young girl I always wanted to be a Mommy. It was what I said when everyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, and amazingly, it is still absolutely true. I am sure I could have had the drive to have a career, but my hearts passion has always been for mommyhood, and today I remembered why.